By Ellie Cobb
Perfect for that dinner with your trans niece!
You know that awkward feeling when you just can’t find the right dish for the dinner with your extended family? Well look no further! These traditional gender rolls are sure to bring out lots of energetic conversations and interactions! You might even find yourself leaving that dinner with not just a swollen belly, but a swollen eye!
The process of making these rolls is very simple. In fact, all the ingredients you will need are very common, so common that you might not even have to look! You likely already have some!
First step: preheat your oven to 5000*F (these rolls are a hot topic)
Next, mix all the ingredients together in a bowl (or a society).
Ingredients:
2 cups of masculinity (toxic)
1 cup of housewives (traditional 1950s)
1 cup of hard-working men
4 tbsp. of sexism (or misogyny, whichever you prefer)
2 tsp. of body image stereotypes
5 oz. of polite and quiet-natured women
5 oz. of strong and intelligent men
3 tsp. of discrimination
2 tsp. of political inequality
A quart of wage gap
A pint of varied educational/professional opportunities (make sure to add both!)
A sprinkle (or bucketful) of prejudice
Once dough is mixed, put it in a pan to rise (in hot air), for as long as you want, and then put it in the oven until cooked.
Once complete, serve with whatever meal you have! Perhaps try with homophobia salad, or the discriminatory desert!
Now before I get into my final tips, I just want to reassure you of the brilliance of these rolls by sharing my personal experience with them. So, let’s begin!
It was Christmas, and I was hosting the entire family (and I mean everyone. Both sides of the family, plus some extended members). So, naturally, I had to prepare the perfect meal! After all, was my husband going to do it? Ha! Preposterous! Husbands should not be cooking meals, let alone Christmas dinner!
To start, I was going to open up with the appetizers. My personal favorite is the racist rhubarb, but I also decided to go for some fatphobic finger sandwiches. Then for the main course, I wanted to go with a classic. And nothing screams classic American Christmas like anti-Semitic Angus beef with some gender rolls to go with it! And finally, for dessert, I had to go with sexist sundaes. They provide such delight in the family gatherings! And my gathering was no exception. We had such delightful conversations, and I actually managed to speak with my step-nephew for once (I was nervous; he has a boyfriend)! Granted, he spent most of our conversation yelling at me (for reasons I am not sure), but I think it went well!
All in all, this holiday was a complete success, and my gender rolls most certainly added to that!
Extra Tips:
These rolls are best when they have been left to sit for a few thousand years without change, but they can also be delightful when made in the 21st century.
When forming the individual rolls, pay attention to the shape. Skinny and smooth rolls are always preferable over fat and lumpy ones.
Also, make sure to bake until they are very hard and firm; you don't want these to be broken or altered.
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